it's been a theme for so many of us, knowing that we have our limitations in how many relationships can be maintained. i guess i could analyze like crazy and decide who's in and who's not in my elite circle of close friends, but i realize that every friendship is different - each one with its unique flavour of closeness that i'm reluctant to give up.
no one friend would know every aspect of my life. i'm not sure if that means i don't have any real friends or not. but there are times when the priority of my life is figuring out school, and it is hard to explain or ask those who are working to relate. on the other hand, sometimes the last thing i want to think about is my studies, and family is priority, and so there are some who know my family well and am able to support and sympathize with those current stresses and advise accordingly.
there is a time for some friendships and there are times for other friendships.
in the past, i was really reluctant to let certain friendships fade and die, especially because of their history. but there are quite a handful of them now, that over the last five years, i've realized have been fading. and there were some of those awkward meetings where the coffee together, or the dinner just seemed out of habit or obligation. why bother with such pretense?
as i embrace the transiency of medicine and my very real limitations in being consistent, regular in attendance, and also in the variety of life stages that my friends are all in, it is very difficulty for friendship to be defined by and molded by the amount of time you spend together or even converse or communicate. it is the knowledge that in a time of need, there are those few that you can call up and count on, or don't feel afraid to call up and ask for help in.
there have been several instances this summer where i've found myself just in that position. i need help with the practical things of life. and there were a few i had called up just to ask if they could help. i don't think i've ever truly reached that point of friendship before. this reliance on others in a time of need - to help with family tasks, to help with tasks that i needed to do; things i would normally ask my family members to do if my family were able - there are only a few that i would entrust these tasks. and it's surprising who would come up on that list, names of friends that i have not really met up with over the last several years - yet with one call, they readily agree to help. i deeply appreciate these blessings in my life.
which brings me to another thought: every interaction with any friend nowadays i see as a blessing. whereas in the past, i held onto a belief that as friends, we should meet up and catch up and stay updated. in fact, as friends move away, to other towns, to other cities, to other countries, the reality is i might never see them again in this earthly life! that is difficult to swallow, but with internet these days, it is possible to maintain contact miles away, and we say it so very easily that we would keep in touch, but how many friendships have been lost overseas? there is really only one person i've managed to keep in touch with, and i must say, it's really God's blessing that we've sustained our friendship over countless snail mails, and now emails randomly every now and then. i do not think though, that if we had not both pursued medicine, that we would still be in as close contact.
so i'm writing, because i feel this nonchalent attitude to friendships sinking in. i'm not quite disturbed by it, rather, it feels much lighter. reading isobel kuhn's autobiography also makes this seem like a right perspective - where many people are acknowledged to have been formative in our years of growth, and that they ere divine appointments by God - but that there is the very idea that they were divine "appointments". some appointments last many years and decades. some last only one weekend retreat. some last for a few months until both depart in separate ways. but at least for that period of appointment, it was an exhilerating experience of learning from each other and growing together.
to be able to recognize each friend, brother or sister you meet as having a purpose in your life; and then being able to have faith that even if it is not apparent why you met, but that in God's greater plan, there is a reason - makes everything so much easier. friendship does not become something i create, but something appointed by the Lord, to run its course and purpose so that i can be set for the next thing He has intended for me.
i don't even know if this is coherent! however, i must record it down because i believe it has begun to shape how i've begun to interact with old and new friends - all encounters - undeserved blessings from the Lord.
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