choice

today i choose not to try to engage anymore.

we all have limitations, and i know mine.

it's not an inability - i am able to do many things if i had the motivation or the heart or the conviction - but when i no longer want to, trying becomes pointless. and so, i choose no longer to engage, to attempt to make connection. if i were to continue to try to sustain this, i fear that i may only get more frustrated and despise the times of connection; to be bitter with what seems lacking; to not feel used completely and under-appreciated always.

my heart isn't into caring, or supporting. my eyes have opened to my reality: i do have severe limitations when it comes to supporting long-drawn goals of others. at this time - i choose to be incapable of persevering alongside for the sake of my own sanity. i only have stamina for my own long-drawn goals at this time. my studies, my profession defines me and the projection of my future. it determines and will keep determining my milestones of life and the timeframe for them to pass.

when mindsets are not aligned, when timing isn't aligned, when passions and intentions and current foci of life are not aligned - nothing feels right. everything is awkward.

so i choose to step aside and away from more potential awkwardness. from the situations that mean bearing burdens larger and longer than my personal load.

to let go -

is what i have chosen.