*cries*

yeah.. so i was REALLY discouraged at the beginning of this week, and a LOT of time was spent moping around, complaining to everyone about how frustrating studying is, and how it's come to a point where i don't even know if i can improve on my scores, if i a can shove any more information in my head, and how practicing doesn't necessarily mean improving....

but BAM - a few people reminded me that you gotta pray. you gotta lift your studies up in prayer, before you study, while you are studying, during your studying.. this is all for GOD right? i've forgotten that in the midst of being in the 'i hate studying mode'. the need to dedicate my time to Him, to trust that He will pull me through - give me the energy, give me the time, give me the concentration and focus to last through a whole day of studying each day...

and yeah... i got my restuls from my third mock exam, and i did just as well as y second one! so PRAISE GOD! that was a huge encouragement!!! and even in sharing prayer requests with a bro, he's like... that's the EXACT same prayer i need from you... i'm not alone!!!!! and someone else mentioning that i'm not writing this eam by msyeelf... like.. really, it's often hard to forget that you are being supported by everyone else. cuz hwen you're cooped up reading by yourself, you dont have the physical presence of others to support you... much the same with God.. i have struggled to give this 'studying' to Him... i mean.. academics? that's not really what i should be handing over to Him? what about bringing glory to His name? asking him to take control of my studies seems kinda... selfish... .

and yet, again, i have to return to the fact that i knew he brought me here. he brought me here to this point in the exams, the finance to pay for the course, and the exam, the oportunity to stay in toronto as opposed to travelling with my family... there's a resaon for everything. and i must trust him to carry me through!!! it's hard... :( buuuuut... THANK YOU GUYS for totally backing me up behind the scenes. readin' my random emails, msn convos, phone...

and i choose that i DON'T have to do this by myself. that i'm not writing these mcats on my own.

yay!!

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Aug 8, 2005

i totally forgot i had that entry drafted up. but with less than two weeks to go, i'm definitely feelin' the heat. and the dwindling energy... the last week was pretty much gone with a lot of random happenings and NOT studying. a close friend skimming life, an unexpected reunion with one of our mexico staff members from two/three years ago, wedding prep.. the actual wedding, just a lot of crazy things. and it was all from God. to encourage me and remind me of what the greater priorities are. And that is to be a living witness. and that is to hold onto the power that has been given to me through the cross, in the Holy Spirit, that I may grasp firmly what I believe, and know that with God's strength, everything is possible. That hope... that promise.. is sweeeeeeeet.

taste the goodness of the Lord!

and oh.. i am sooooo tasting the goodness of the fellowship and support from my brothers and sisters, my family, my friends, God even sent Tito on his way from Beijing to Nashville... WOW...

haha... so yeah... no matter what is going to happen and fly at me in the next two weeks, gonna suck it up and charge on. *breathe* i can TOTALLY do this.

hahahaha... and i can just hear felix saying 'that was so valley girl...'

*smiles* u who are reading this. YOU ARE AWESOME. just even checking up and reading this blog... means a lot... even though i can't see you reading it.

thank you. :)